One perk of being a mom is being able to watch animated, family/children’s movies. Being able to re-watch all of my favorite Disney movies with Oriyus is one of our favorite things to do. If I’m being honest, I’ve always loved my animated movies, but it is way more enjoyable now that I have a little to watch them with. As I’ve gotten older and wiser, I’ve caught jokes or morals that I wouldn’t have as a child, so I appreciate the movies more. Directors and movie producers have created some new, beautiful stories since I was a child, with one of my favorites being “Vivo.”
“Vivo” is a Netflix original film that came out this past summer. It is one of mine and Oriyus’ favorite movies to watch together, and it is easily top 2 soundtracks that we duet together in the car. It is about a kinkajou monkey from Cuba who befriends a young girl, and they embark on a journey from Cuba to Miami, Florida to deliver a song to the love of Vivo’s (the kinkajou) late friend, Andres. The movie is sad, and funny, and beautiful. It made me cry, it made me laugh, it made me hold on tight to the people I love, and it made me keep the beat.
As you can imagine, it is probably very hard for a monkey and a young girl to travel across the Atlantic ocean together, but, they do it and successfully deliver the song. (Anything can happen in a kids movie, right?) And, of course, it is not an easy trip. But, they have their music to help them, to guide them, and connect them. As I’ve mentioned in many of my other blog posts, music has really been a support for me over the last year, so I connected heavily to the power of the music in the film, similarly to Vivo and Gabi. Three songs really stand out for me, and as cheesey as it is coming from a children’s movie, they’ve been added to my list of strength and healing and power songs.
The first being “One More Song.”
“You spent your life making music. I thought the songs would never end. Now, it’s so quiet. All I wanna do is play again with you, my friend. You fell asleep humming music. The sun came up; you stayed at rest. Now, here I am. All I have left is one request – one more song. Just one more. Give us an encore. Don’t go away. We still have music to play. Hey! I said, one more song. Just one more. All that I long for; give me a sign, it’s not too late. It’s not too late.”
A life long friend of mine lost a battle to a heart condition he had since he was born just over 5 years ago. After high school, I did not do an excellent job keeping in touch with him, but he was always very special to me. We chatted, went to New Years Eves bonfires at another friends house, and often went for lunch dates to a local hometown restaurant when we were both in town. If anyone knew James, they would have been friends with him. He had something so real and genuine about him, and not to mention, he was funny AF. He lived to make other people laugh, and he was a natural at it. He had been out in Chicago, making more people laugh with his comedy and improv, and making a living out of it. James had come home in the fall of 2016 for another heart surgery, made it home, posted a Happy Halloween image of him and his scars post-surgery, and later that night, October 28th, passed because of complications after the surgery.
To this day, it is heavy on my heart and a regret that I will always live with, that I did not go to his services. At the time, the relationship with my ex was rocky, and I felt I had to stay and make amends to prove that I loved him and wanted to be with him, instead of being with James and get closure on his passing. I am not sure I will ever forgive myself for not being there for him and the rest of the people he loved and that loved him.
Last year, shortly after having split with the father of my son, I was living in my hometown again, and as October approached, I made it a point to find and visit his gravesite. And, I did. After visiting his graveside with a friend, I returned by my self, and sat with him, apologized for not having kept in touch as well as he deserved the last couple of years, and apologized for not being a part of his send off. I added to his rock collection. I thought of the time at a semi formal when he was wearing a pair of khaki pants that were way too large for him, with jeans underneath, so I took them and put them over my dress to be funny. I thought of the time that he and I were hiking Rattlesnake Mountain with two other friends, and we got lost by taking a wrong path. I remember accidentally twinning at lunch the day before we headed off to our freshman years of college. I remembered the time he declared himself Harry Potter, and me Hedwig. I remembered his goofy smile and contagious laugh. And, I told him I loved him, because I do.
And then months down the road, Oriyus and I watched “Vivo.” When the kinkajou sang “One More Song,” I instantly thought he was singing about James and his comedy. Not one more song, but one more act. Not music, but improv. Not play, but laugh. Not humming music, but making jokes. I wish I had one more laugh with him. James lives on through his humor and the light that he brought to other people. That he brought to me. Any time I hear “One More Song,” James will be who comes to my mind.
“You spent your life performing improv. I thought the acts would never end. Now, it’s so quiet. All I wanna do is laugh again with you, my friend. You fell asleep creating jokes. The sun came up; you stayed at rest. Now, here I am. All I have left is one request – one more act. Just one more. Give us an encore. Don’t go away. We still have jokes to laugh. Hey! I said, one more act. Just one more. All that I long for; give me a sign, it’s not too late. It’s not too late.”
The second song is a funny, loud energy song – “My Own Drum.”
“I bounce to the beat of my own drum. I’m a ‘wow’ in a world full of ho-hum. I’m a wild young lady, but you know sum’? I’d rather be at home with my own drum.”
I spent a majority of the last few years not really knowing who I was as an individual. Huge parts of my identity were always connections to what hat I needed to wear to fit-in with my ex. I have had the opportunity over the last 1+ years to really discover who I am, and dump the parts of me I didn’t like or that just weren’t me. It is easily the best thing that could have come out of being single. Even though I am still discovering and creating who “Katie Kelly” is, I am enjoying the process.
I have always been an introverted extrovert. Meaning, I enjoy going out and doing social things with others, and I am so much of a homebody. When people say, “just show the real you,” I do if I’m quiet, and I do if I am loud and sassy. Those are both equally important parts of who I am, and I like both of those. I see myself as goofy AF, and definitely know when to shut it down and be serious. I get up stupid early, and I sleep best when its 20* outside. I’d much rather dress down than dress up, and I swear in every day language. I watch Disney movies, and I watch Squid Games. There isn’t a genre of music I do not enjoy, and I’d rather be at the mountains than the beach. I think part of why people hide parts of who they are is because they’ve been rejected by others in the past. Humans thrive off of and crave human connection, so when parts of ourselves are rejected by others, we hide them for other people so those people don’t leave. It took me a long, long time, to meet myself and be familiar with who I am. Heck, I’m still meeting pieces of her! And once I have met “Katie Kelly,” I promise her to not hide those pieces. I bounce to the beat of my own drum, and if you don’t like my rhythm, that is ok! And, keep moving.
Finally, “Keep the Beat,” might be my second all time favorite song. Partly because the duet Oriyus and I sing is so beautiful. He sings with so much passion and energy, and is, of course, the star of the performance. He gets to be Vivo, and I get to sing Gabi’s part. For those of you that don’t know the song, here are those lyrics.
“The plan was get to a bus. Next thing you know, the two of us, are floating, drifting, somewhere new. She said we’d take a short cut. I’m trying to be a good sport, but I don’t see how we’ll make it through. Remember the size of the world before it was you and I, just you and I. Now the horizon holds so much more. And, it’s do or die – it’s do or die. All I can do when the road bends, is lean in to the curve. And, all I can do when the tanks run dry, is see what’s in reserve. And, all I can do when the plans break down, is stay on my feet. And, all I can do at the end of the day, is play on, play on, and keep the beat.”
But seriously, is this not Oriyus and I?! It being just the two of us, having this vision and plan of how life was going to turn out, only to have it not be that way? Is this song not an amazing reminder to grow through what you go through? I know I just got done elaborating on 30 different things that I have learned over the last year. Of all those lessons, the most important one is that the only way out, is through. As I am going through my journey of healing and reclaiming my strength and identity, this song was and is a powerful, validating reminder to control what I can control, and that’s it. Things don’t always work out the way we expect them to, and that is ok. You are never going to get out of the storm if you don’t go through it. Jump when you need to jump. Cry when you need to cry. Stop and rest when you need to stop and rest. Lean in to the curve when the road bends. Keep the beat. Keep fucking going.
All and all, I’m not sure if the moral of Vivo was what I took away from it, but there are important messages in the movie. Even for 100 year old children like me. Don’t be in my position where you have to wish for “One More Song.” Lives can change and be taken from us without any warning; living with regret, sucks. I hope James knows that I love him and how often he is on my mind. I wish I had that one last act. And, to not stop. To “Keep the Beat” and to always keep moving forward to the beat of your own drum. Who you are is beautiful. I needed a kinkajou and a 10 year old, spunky, animated girl to remind me of that! Here’s your reminder.
Katie Kelly's Korner 